My One Line Movie Reviews
The Brothers Grimm (entertaining on many levels)
Skeleton Key (nice to see a classic, dark movie, definitely not commercial)
Red Eye (barely worth a matinee)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (I'm *not* mumbling, Depp is a high end chocolate)
March of the Penguins (classic National Geographic, awesome)
War of the Worlds (more like war of the wimps)
Fantastic Four (it was a decent thing)
Howl's Moving Castle (worth the view, but marginal animation)
Mr & Mrs Smith (more action but not as fun as Undercover Blues)
Batman Begins (and what a beginning it was)
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe (not quite 42)
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith (see it, you must, just once)
Be Cool (it must be hard to be that cool)
Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill (awesome, if only we could've taken the birds)
Ong-Bak Thai Warrior (true to the style, and action packed)
Constentine (it could have been so much better)
The Aviator (decent in a depressing kind of way)
Elektra (not bad, but not alias)
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (tsunami footage would've been better)
Precinct 13 (fun but not warm)
White Noise (it was)
Ocean's 12 (not really a heist movie, but a bit funnier)
Blade 3: Trinity (from moody to gangsta, still fun, but why rip off the predator alien?)
Shark Tale (funny, and retro music)
Shaun of the Dead (Zed-bies everywhere *whee*)
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (classic SF, big robots, who could ask for more?)
Spiderman 2 (decent, but not classic)
Faster (DVD, a must for bike fans)
Jeepers Creepers (DVD, still fun, and dark)
Aliens vs Predators (not near enough action)
The Village (eh for a Night)
The Bourne Supremecy (car chase supreme)
The Manchurian Candidate (can't go wrong with Denzel)
Catwoman (cool kitties, eh story)
The Blind Swordsman: Zatoichi (as good as I remembered, even the subtitles)
I, Robot (no foundation, still fun)
Dodgeball (don't miss the credits)
The Chronicles of Riddick (visually entertaining)
Stepford Wives (campy fun)
The Day After Tomorrow (and the day after that?)
Kill Bill Vol 2 (better than the first)
Hellboy (h*ll yeah)
Walking Tall (you're supposed to carry a big stick, not a Rock)
Dawn of the Dead (not classic enough)
Starsky & Hutch (retro campy, wait for the DVD)
Hidalgo (entertaining, but not enough horses)
Paycheck (only see this if you're getting a good one)
Torque (what good is it without any horsepower?)
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (long movie, great action, slow ending)
Looney Tunes: Back in Action (more fun than a cartoon should be, especially the homages)
Kill Bill (QT pays homage to all the bloody asian styles, yeah!)
The Rundown (The Rock is getting more and more entertaining)
Bubba Ho-tep (slow moving but entertaining cult movie)
Cabin Fever (even if you have it, don't watch this)
Once Upon a Time in Mexico (good but needed more Selma than flashbacks)
Underworld (understated, except for the soundtrack)
The Order (originally 'The Sin Eaters' at least then it would have had a cool title)
Bad Boys 2 (whatcha gonna do when they come for you? pretty much enjoy yourself)
Open Range (lots of shooting, decent western, but too much kevin in the end)
Pirates of the Carribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (much fun, but is Depp a gay pirate?)
Lara Croft Tomb Raider The Cradle of Life (better plot, less action, still mystic)
Terminator 3: The Rise of the Machines
League of Extrodinary Gentlemen (not quite camp enough)
For a Few Dollars More (DVD, much better uninterrupted)
Fistful of Dollars (DVD, classic Clint)
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (more camp and wire work yeah!)
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (DVD, western mania)
Hang'em High (DVD, early but good)
National Security (DVD, surprisingly funny)
Bruce Almighty (alrighty now)
Hulk (green, mean, an ang lee machine)
2 Fast, 2 Furious (nice cars, good distraction, but needed more street racing)
Hollywood Homicide (decent cop flick, quaint in a way)
Winged Migration (an extended National Geographic, excellent cinematography though)
The Italian Job (and what a job it was, fun stunts with minis)
Matrix: Reloaded (reloaded, rebooted and recursive)
X2: X-Men United (if only they let Kelly speak)
Better Luck Tomorrow (decent, but only the Beav as a adult role model ?!?)
Identity (it lost it quickly)
Cowboy BeBop: The Movie (animania, better than the series)
Spirited Away (easily worth the Oscar)
Bringing Down The House (good cuz martin was restrained)
The Hunted (fun but not exceptional)
Cradle 2 The Grave (Jet Li, enough said)
Shanghai Knights (too over the top)
Daredevil (daring, yet unbelievable, Elektra was electric)
The Recruit (twisty, turny, but bland)
Maid in Manhatten (the kid was to precosious)
Chicago (smooth musical, but not as good as Moulin Rouge)
Adaptation (recursively tedious)
Two Weeks (may I have a pretzel bobcat please? ;)
Catch Me, If You Can (catch it if you like 60's style films, I did)
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (arrrgh, I have to wait a whole year for the ending)
Star Trek: Nemesis (pretty good, suffering from lack of data though)
James Bond: Die Another Day (hella Halle, need I say more?)
Femme Fatal (Rie was good, but it was still artsy soft-core)
Harry Potter: Chamber of Secrets (saw it twice and it was still long)
The Transporter (took us nowhere)
AutoFocus (grainy picture and story)
I Spy (a pretty funny movie)
Formula 51 (its a formula, but I like Mace better)
Ghost Ship (bland, almost a ghost of a movie)
Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams (wait, its almost as much fun without the toys)
My Big Fat Greek Wedding (too entertainingly bizarre for words, just see it)
Pluto Nash (decent saturday afternoon fare, but not spectacular sf)
Blood Work (Clint always has loud guns)
Road to Perdition (classic but artsy gangster film, bloody good)
Signs (eh, don't think of it as Sci-Fi and its passable, just barely)
Austin Powers in Goldmember (funny, but losing its touch)
Reign of Fire (not enough dragons, or character)
Men In Black II (decent, but the chubb-chubbs short was hilarious)
K-19 (tedious despite a great cast)
Eight Legged Freaks (great fun but alternated between camp an horror)
Minority Report (good, tight, and still sci-fi)
Scooby-Doo (yes, a treat for the fans of the original series)
The Bourne Identity (so good it makes me want to read the book)
The Enforcer (DVD, Jet Li, modern action and an awesome kid)
Sum of All Fears (like the books, dense but entertaining)
Undercover Brother (very funny, but you have to have lived it first)
A Better Tomorrow II (DVD, John Woo-hoo, but oh that Chow-Yun Fat)
A Better Tomorrow (DVD, Classic, and still worth seeing again)
Insomnia (not quite, but not a snoozer)
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones (so good I saw it twice)
About A Boy (oh to be that shallow, wait, I am ;)
High Crimes (decent but uneven)
Spiderman (amazing)
Changing Lanes (road rage at its best)
Murder By Numbers (I think Sandra had a nose job, should've used the money on the movie)
Big Trouble (big laughs, if you're dave berry style)
Panic Room (decently scary but poor forrest)
Death to Smoochy (everyone should be a kiddie show groupie)
Blade 2 (Alien Predator Vampires, oh yeah)
Ice Age (eek, it was fun)
Resident Evil (George Romero did it best)
Showtime (Shatner giving DeNiro acting lessons? hilarious)
Kissing Jessica Stein (all my female friends should see this one)
Monster's Ball (Halle and Billy Bob? ewww)
The Time Machine (yawner)
The Queen of the Damned (Ann Rice meets heavy metal, still entertaining)
Collateral Damage (Ahhhnold talks too much ;)
The Count of Monte Cristo (revenge is sweet)
A Beautiful Mind (can drive you right out of yours)
The Brotherhood of the Wolf (long period piece masquarading as a supernatural thriller)
Imposter (great short story, bearable feature length film)
Gosford Park (priceless period piece, love the "below stairs")
Killer Klowns From Outer Space (DVD, Kool Kult Film, oooh sharp teeth)
The Royal Tenenbaums (dysfunctionally entertaining, Gene Hackman has great range)
Kate & Leopold (british Dundee meets Time Machine, still not a classic)
An Affair To Remember (AMC, classic dialog)
Not Another Teen Movie (deservedly R)
Replacement Killers (DVD, Chow-Yun is phat !!)
Lord Of The Rings (the one film to rule them all)
Vanilla Sky (a lucid dream, I'll tell you more when we come back as cats)
Spy Kids (VHS, quaint and funny)
Behind Enemy Lines (not plausible at all)
Ocean's 11 (now that was a heist film!)
Domestic Disturbance (a very pedestrian thriller, but a thriller all the same)
Shrek (DVD, big screen, big scream !)
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (still entertaining the 2nd time)
Spy Game (well done intrigue)
Novocaine (needed it with that kind of pacing)
Monsters Inc (too much to see, with a star wars trailer and a bird short to boot)
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (fun, but needed more dragons)
The Heist (just ok)
Warren Miller: Cold Fusion (typical, but fun all the same, w/scary base jumping)
The One (too much matrix, too little plot)
Thirteen Ghosts (good holiday fare, poor plot)
K-Pax (One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest meets Starman)
The Others (Kidman is a great crazy mom)
Bruiser (VHS, how could George Romero make such a dud?)
From Hell (could've stayed there)
Bandits (almost stole my money)
Iron Monkey (hilarious subtitles)
Don't Say A Word (I won't)
Training Day (Denzel's a bad, bad, cop, but an excellent actor)
Zoolander (yeah, like they're all straight)
Two Can Play That Game (nothing like having rules)
The Musketeer (dashing and modern at the same time)
Ghosts of Mars (lots of distruction, very little sci-fi)
The Wedding Planner (PPV, sweet and unrealistic)
Brothers (PPV, urban relationship humor, pretty funny)
Sugar & Spice (PPV, yeah, right)
Unbreakable (PPV, slow, like a rock)
Double Take (PPV, Eddie Griffen was funnier than Orlando Jones ??!!)
Jeepers Creepers (where they get that ending?)
Thirteen Days (PPV, good but what was with the color and accents ??)
Save the Last Dance (PPV, good thing I waited)
Princess Diaries (tremendously funny)
Rush Hour 2 (evil chinese woman, yeah!)
Dude, Where's My Car? (PPV, and then?)
Proof of Life (PPV, yet another reason not to travel outside the US)
Final Fantasy (Ghosts? duh!)
Legally Blonde (summer fare, yeah, like, fah sure)
Planet of the Apes (Chimp as Ricochet Rabbit but less furry than expected)
The Score (Brando is *HUGE*)
Jurassic Park III (love the pteradactlys)
Kiss of the Dragon (don't blink, you'll miss the moves)
A. I. (1 part Kubrick, 2 parts Spielberg, but just a fairy tale, with great acting)
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (better in the beginning than the end)
The Fast and the Furious (cool cars, weak plot)
Any Given Sunday (PPV, intensity everywhere)
Swordfish (C4 and ball bearings, Travolta is just too cool)
An American In Paris (AMC, good music, Gene Kelly, but uneven dance segments)
Moulin Rouge (film musical version of rap sampling, still fun, but sad)
Town and Country (we waited how long for this? what was the point anyway?)
Men of Honor (PPV, show me the water!!)
The Crew (PPV, old humor)
Remember The Titans (PPV, Denzel, strong but not deep)
The Mummy Returns (great wrap)
Gone in 60 Seconds (VHS, nice cars, I want one)
Meet the Parents (yeah, everyone should ... NOT)
What Lies Beneath (very wet)
Heartbreakers (light hearted version of "The Grifters")
Fight Club (VHS, disturbingly violent)
The Tailor of Panama (Bombed, Pierce Bombed)
Snatch (better than Lock, Stock, but still can't understand them)
Get Over It (someone should)
Finding Forrester (quaint, and yet entertaining)
Chocolat (yummy for sure)
Traffic (bizzare cinematography, but great cast)
Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels (funny, if only I understood what they were saying)
Cast Away (should've been two movies, but at least it had a volleyball)
Ms Congeniality (Sandra is always cute)
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Ang Lee is awesome, and the cast was excellent)
Charlie's Angels (still fun the 2nd time around)
What Women Want (Hilarious, to no end, and they really think that way ;)
Spawn Vols 1, 2, 3 (DVD, nothing like an adult cartoon)
Vertical Limit (cold, very cold)
The Legend of Drunken Master (jackie is cool)
Charlies Angels (bimbo hair flips, great music)
Sixth Day (Ahhnold cloned, but not twice the action)
The Killer (DVD, John Woo loves violence)
The Rocky Horror Picture Show (DVD, lets do the time warp again !!)
Nightmare Before Christmas (DVD, apropos for the season)
Vincent (DVD, Tim Burton short, love that voice)
Frankenweenie (DVD, Tim Burton short, he leaks !)
Godzilla (DVD, TriStar, bubble gum is better than bigger guns)
Men In Black (DVD, special edition, crunch dem bugs)
Bait (smelled like a prawn)
The Watcher (serial killer, mumbling dialog)
The Way of the Gun (they did the man dance excellently)
The Princess Bride (DVD, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you)
Nurse Betty (sappy soap, hilariously done)
Highlander: Endgame ("There can be only one" but this wasn't it)
My Dog Skip (nothing like a bit of americana)
Godzilla 2000 (yeah!, "Like Godzillas normal !?")
The Art of War (great fun, who *was* that hit woman anyway?)
Deuce Bigalo: Male Gigalo (tape, hilarious, loved the fish tank)
The Original Kings of Comedy (a must see, if you like urban humor and cursing)
The Replacements (that's how you play futbal)
Scary Movie (what were they smoking?)
Space Cowboys (yipee ki ya and ensure, great fun)
Iron Giant (dvd, very good, I wanna gun like that)
Aeon Flux (dvd, what a babe)
8th Man (dvd, schlocky but fun)
X-Men (fun, but I swear adaminium is non-magnetic)
Chicken Run (funny, they do have lips)
The Patriot (cannonball to the head, that's gotta hurt)
Mission: Impossible 2 (almost as good the 2nd time around)
Titan A.E. (even animated caucasians get the asian women)
Shaft (slick, urban and hilarious)
Shanghai Noon (2nd time, zzzzz)
Small Time Crooks (typical Woody Allen)
Shanghai Noon (Jackie Chan & Lucy Liu, nuff said)
Mission: Impossible 2 (John Woo-hoo!!, great stunts)
Battlefield Earth (time compressing the novel doesn't work)
Dinosaurs (cool animation)
Gladiator (a powerful spectacle)
Erin Brockovich (pretty darn good)
U-571 (2nd time, still loud ;)
Keeping the Faith (if only religions were really that much fun)
Sixth Sense (still good the 2nd time, even on a small screen)
U-571 (never seen a sub bend before, *depth charge*)
28 Days (too funny, but a pat plot)
Ready To Rumble (gotta love those cages)
Final Destination (death's pattern needs a designer)
American Beauty (life, like roses, is full of thorns)
The Whole Nine Yards (pretty funny for a dentist ;)
Romeo Must Die (Jet Li & Aaliyah, too bad its all about gangs)
Drowning Mona (Fargo meets white trash)
Pitch Black (cool eyes, sharp teeth shine in the dark)
Instinct (Fight or Flight? make it the latter)
Sun Valley Serenade (how did it all start ?)
The Talented Mr Ripley (ZZZZZZ *huh* what was that ending again?)
Galaxy Quest ("It's All Real" and funny to boot)
The Green Mile (it's unfair that Tom keeps winning those Oscars)
Sleepy Hollow (oooh, sharp teeth)
Princess Mononoke (great anime but don't mess with mother nature)
End of Days (Ahhnold in Terminator meets Devil's Advocate)
James Bond: The World is Not Enough (typical, but oh the poor bimmer)
Never Been Kissed (we felt her pain, and laughed)